Child Psychology-Backed Tips for Teaching Toddlers to Share

One of the hardest things for parents to do is teach their toddlers to share, and that’s totally normal. Toddlers are just starting to learn about independence, how to deal with their feelings, and how to interact with other people. They are naturally attached to their things when they are one to three years old, and they haven’t learned how to share or think about how someone else feels yet. But learning to share is important for making friends, developing empathy, and laying the groundwork for emotional and social intelligence.

This all-in-one, always-relevant guide shows you how to teach toddlers to share using tried-and-true child psychology principles, research-backed strategies, and real-life examples. You’ll learn why sharing is hard for toddlers, what skills they need to have before they can share well, and how to gently guide them with patience and consistency. No matter what happens with trends or technology, everything here is made to stay useful for years.

Contents

When parents understand why toddlers have trouble learning, they can set realistic goals for teaching them. Jean Piaget and other experts on child development say that toddlers are egocentric, which means they only see things from their own point of view. This doesn’t mean they’re selfish; it just means their brains are still growing.

At this age, there are a few things that make sharing hard:

Toddlers have a strong sense of ownership and attachment to their toys. These things stand for comfort and stability.
Self-regulation takes time to develop, so impulse control is limited in the preschool years and beyond.
Toddlers feel a lot of things, but they don’t know how to deal with them yet.
They don’t really understand time, so “wait two minutes” sounds strange and hard to understand.
They might grab or push because they don’t know how to talk about it yet.

Parents can better help their kids with understanding instead of frustration if they know these things.

You can start teaching toddlers to share gently as early as 18 months, but they usually don’t really want to share until they are three or four years old. This is because the skills needed, like empathy, language, patience, and self-control, take time to develop.

Kids start to copy adults and play with other kids around the age of 18 to 24 months, but they don’t usually want to share.
By the time they are two or three years old, toddlers are better able to understand the concept of ownership (“Mine!”) and can share with help.
At around four years old, kids understand fairness better and can take turns without as much help from adults.

Don’t expect your child to share perfectly right away. Instead, make learning opportunities that are appropriate for their stage of development.

Teaching toddlers to share helps them learn important social and emotional skills that will help them for the rest of their lives. Learning to share helps you become more empathetic, better at talking to others, and better at controlling your emotions and being patient. It also helps toddlers make and keep friends, lowers the number of fights, and encourages cooperation, which is an important skill for working together in groups, at school, and on teams.

Sharing is one of many prosocial behaviors, like being kind and helpful, that help a child do well socially and emotionally in the long run.

One of the best ways to avoid fights is to get ready ahead of time. Talk to your toddler about what will happen before a playdate, a trip to the park, or a family get-together. Say things like:

“Other kids might want to play with the toys. We can switch off.”

Let your toddler pick out a few “special toys” that they don’t have to share with anyone else. This makes them feel safer and less on guard. At the same time, let your child practice taking turns at home so they know what to do when they are around other people.

Short phrases like “my turn” and “your turn” can help toddlers know when it’s their turn to share and when it’s someone else’s turn.

To teach toddlers how to share well, you need to use the same method every time and think about how young kids learn best.

Kids learn mostly by watching the grown-ups around them. They will naturally learn these behaviors when they see you share, wait, and take turns.

You could say, “I’m sharing my apple with you,” or
“You talk, then I talk,” to show how to take turns.

These small but consistent examples have a big effect.

Use Positive Reinforcement

Specific praise works very well with toddlers. Instead of just looking at results, praise their hard work.

“You gave your friend your toy. That was nice.”
“You waited your turn. Good job being patient.”

This makes them want to do it again without feeling pressured.

Start Playing Turn-Taking Games

Taking turns makes sharing less emotionally heavy. Simple games like:

Rolling a ball
Stacking blocks
Taking turns with puzzles

help toddlers learn predictable patterns that make sharing easier. These planned times help toddlers learn to work together in a fun and easy way.

The physical environment has a big effect on how toddlers get along with each other.

When there are many versions of a popular toy, there is less competition.
Activity stations also get kids to move around instead of fighting over the same thing.
Changing out some toys keeps things interesting and cuts down on territorial behavior.

Let Your Toddler Know That Their Feelings Are Real

Recognizing feelings helps kids feel heard and improves their emotional intelligence. If a toddler is upset about sharing, you might say:

“You’re mad because you want the toy.”

This doesn’t change anything but reassures them that their feelings are normal. Validated toddlers calm down more quickly and are more open to advice.

Use Language That Is Clear and Easy to Understand

Short, repeated phrases help little kids understand what is expected of them. Toddlers learn to expect and follow patterns of words like:

“my turn”
“your turn”

Consistency helps make shared experiences into routines that are easy to follow.

Teach the Art of Waiting

Waiting and sharing are two sides of the same coin. Practice waiting in small ways during the day:

Washing hands
Opening a door
Waiting for a snack

These little moments help a toddler learn to control their impulses better.

Encourage Playing Together

Cooperative activities move kids’ focus from fighting over toys to working together to reach a common goal.

Working together to build a block tower
Making crafts together
Pretend cooking

These activities teach kids how to work together and share.

How to Deal with Problems When They Happen

Conflict is normal when learning to share. The goal is not to eliminate conflict but to help toddlers deal with it in healthy ways.

Stay calm and neutral, and recognize each child’s feelings:
“You both want the same toy. That’s hard.”
Tell what is happening without blaming anyone:
“Alex is driving the car right now. Maya wants to have a turn.”
Set a clear plan:
“Alex will go first, and when he’s done, Maya will go.”
Give the child who is waiting other options:
“You can play with the blocks while you wait.”
Stay close to help them follow through without shaming or forcing them.

How to Teach Empathy and Working Together

Toddlers share more easily when they understand their own and others’ feelings. You can build empathy every day by:

Naming feelings: “He looks sad.”
Explaining causes: “She’s upset because she dropped her toy.”
Reflecting actions: “You helped your sister. That made her feel better.”

Books about sharing help toddlers connect with stories and characters. Ask them how they think the characters feel and what they could do differently.

Help toddlers solve problems together. If two kids want the same bucket, ask:

“What can we do? Can we fill it up together?”

Even if they cannot solve it alone, this teaches them to consider other people.

The best lessons happen naturally during daily routines:

Mealtimes: passing items or sharing food
Bath time: taking turns with water toys
Morning/nighttime routines: brushing teeth or picking pajamas

Siblings provide frequent opportunities to practice sharing. Consistency, clear expectations, and patience are key.

Some common approaches can backfire:

Don’t force kids to share by taking toys from one and giving them to another. This teaches insecurity, not generosity.
Don’t shame them with phrases like “Don’t be selfish,” as this harms self-esteem.
Don’t compare children, which can create anger.
Don’t punish normal age-typical behaviors; what seems like defiance is often just a developmental limit.

Toddlers learn much better when parents are calm and supportive.

Two toddlers want the same toy: “Ava is using the truck right now. When she’s done, Liam will go.” Give Liam something else to do while waiting.
If a toddler takes a toy from a sibling: calmly give it back and say, “You really wanted this. We switch off.” Help them through a short turn-taking process.
If a child shares without prompting: point it out specifically, e.g., “You gave your friend a cracker. That was kind.” Specific praise encourages positive behavior.

When Parents Should Ask for Help

Most toddlers struggle with sharing, and that’s normal. Seek help if your child:

Is always very aggressive
Has a hard time calming down
Avoids social interaction
Shows no interest in peers by age three
Struggles in group settings

Early help gives tools tailored to your child’s needs.

Last Thoughts

It takes time, empathy, and realistic expectations to teach toddlers how to share. Toddlers aren’t ready to share perfectly yet, but with modeling, consistent routines, positive reinforcement, and gentle guidance, they start to learn the social and emotional skills they need to work together.

Never make someone share. Instead, focus on improving emotional intelligence, trust, and communication. When parents help toddlers understand and stay consistent, kids naturally become more generous, caring, and socially confident—skills that last a lifetime.